God bless the insurance companies

I had another of those long, miserable days marked by long, miserable conversations about health insurance. I am uninsurable because I have a chronic disease. So, I thought to throw myself on the mercy of the state. It was a long fall onto hard ground. Well, yes, there is a sort of program that I can apply to but no it will not pay for chemotherapy. Do we love this story or what? I'd have a better chance if I was the unwed mother of several. So, I can kick myself for poor planning or I can kick myself for poor planning, but I cannot hope to have access to care because I planned poorly. As each hour of this enforced retirement passes, I feel more isolated, more obsolete and more alone. I have too much time to review my past sins, mistakes, and foolishness, and I just don't see any way out. I passed panic long ago and went directly to outright terror. I cannot believe that I cannot get a job. I cannot believe that I am superfluous. How's that for hubris? Things could be worse, is my new mantra. But really, being dead is better than this. I kid you not.

Hillary Clinton: The Villeinous Victim

There is something about Hillary Clinton that brings out the worst even in misogynists. Either she is a villein or a victim, but she is just never who she is.  Yet, Hillary never refers to her husband's extracurricular activities unless asked, and she is always asked. No one ever asked Ronald Reagan about his failed marriage, or the short time between his marriage to Nancy Davis and the appearance of the eldest child. But the salacious questions about Democrats never seem to end, particularly when it comes to Bill Clinton. And no one ever asks how an investigation into a land deal somehow focuses on the President's interesting hobbies. But the Republicans will have us believe that Hillary runs as the victim of a cheating husband--that is, when she is not the architect of everything that went wrong with the current administration.

The opposition stubbornly clings to the fiction that Hillary got where she is because of her husband and his infidelities. Not only is that insulting, it simply is untrue. MSNBC's Chris Matthews was recently made to apologize for positing on his TV show that Hillary got where she was because her husband cheated on her. The people of New York seem to think that Hillary is a good senator. 

As a woman, Hillary has to work twice as hard for recognition that comes easily to her male counterparts. There are a lot of women in the US who honestly believe that women should not be allowed to run for elected office. The second class citizenship of women in the United States is well documented. As a woman who is bucking the system, Hillary is running an uphill battled, and I don't think she is helped when people drag her dirty laundry out for a second or third or fourth look.  He cheated on her, which should have remained private, and how they dealt with it is private. If you don't like her politics, don't vote for her. If you don't like her voting record, don't vote for. But don't make your decision based on what you think she should have done, or what you have done, when resolving a personal situation.  Hillary Clinton is a victim only in that is the role the opposition has cast her. And maybe we should ask why that, of all her other decisions, sticks in the collective craw the most.

And some point we will have a female head of state. It's bound to happen. Maybe it will be Hillary Clinton, maybe not. But I would hate to think that she lost an election because she remained married to an unfaithful man. And if that is the benchmark, why doesn't it apply equally to men?

Whatever gets you through the night

I am the last person to care what god or philosophy people believe in, because I believe that people have to believe in something, even if it is nothing. But I cannot get past the cynicism that seems to permeate Scientology. Founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard in the 1950s, seems to draw from self-help programs and the search for a magic bullet to make life bearable. I'll never be absolutely certain that Hubbard created his religion because in the US, these organizations are tax exempt. So, maybe I am more cynical that Hubbard.

What I think is interesting is that the same people and organizations who so vociferously condemn Scientology promote their own religion with the same single minded zeal. And they are not above some unsavory chicanery to convince others that their god is the only god. But those who strap bombs to their bodies and die for Allah (taking out a bus load of "non-believers" in the bargain) are no different than fundamentalist Muslims or Christians or Jews or Scientologists. And really, what is the difference between a god who lives in an invisible heaven or a being from another planet who lives underground and awaits rebirth? Every one of have put all their spiritual eggs into a single basket held by a very mortal man.

If we have to believe in something "better," or at least something else, if we have to look skyward to receive forgiveness for our crimes and misdemeanors, does it matter if we speak to Allah or Jesus or Yahweh or a Thetin? Isn't it better to think that whatever god we believe in has a purpose for our suffering, than to accept that bad things happen, regardless of who we are or what we do? Is it wrong for people to seek order in an increasingly disordered world?