I feel your pain, Baby Jane

I feel like Baby Jane, lost on a beach where everyone else is having fun, dreaming of the days when I was some one.

I was speaking yesterday with a now former business associate with whom I shared maybe the best year of my employment. I was at the top of my game, I had a new love and all seemed right with the world. Of course, it was short lived. Good times are always short lived. But it's good to remember that at some point I was a worthwhile person. And while I understand one should never hang one's self esteem on a job, it's what I did and who I was and who I will never be again. I cannot imagine who will hire me or for what. But I am sure that the one thing at which I thought was good is gone, has been gone for a long time. I hung on, for all the wrong reasons, I'm sure, and stayed at the party much too long. Closed doors and open windows and all that...I just don't believe it, not now anyway. Right now, day two of my unemployment, I feel old, useless and unwanted. Not even a chocolate chip cookie will cheer me.

The thing is that I always tried to treat people fairly, I nurtured the employee who will benefit most from my demise. And I do not begrudge him the opportunity, I was young once and I remember. But over the summer he was particularly cruel and that is unforgivable. Clearly, he owes his allegiance to the one who skates with his paycheck in his mouth. But I went to the mat for that kid, more than once, toe-to-toe to protect him. So, I feel betrayed. Probably, that's unfair. Feelings sometimes are.

None of this matters now and I know it. But it shows you just how much crap karma is. Do good to others and duck when the going gets tough. This could be the textbook old-and-out-of-a-job crazies. But right now, I'm not feeling very hopeful.

Fired!

It was a long time coming and not particularly surprising, but after 17 years, the past three of which were hell, I am out of a job. Booted out the door. Downsized. Disappeared. Fired.

And it is not the loss of the job, that's been gone long ago, it's not the loss of friendship, no one there much cared for me (and I them), it's the horror of how will I pay my health insurance--because that's the reason I stayed there these past three years. And, at age 61, who will hire me?

Years ago, when I was young and this hellish existence stretched before me, I work for a woman who was mighty admirable. She was accomplished, attractive and competent. She was somewhere in her 50s. And then one day a new boss came and she was demoted. Her appearance went first, she became dragged down and lost her confident stride. And I wondered, in my youth, why she didn't just quit? Were was her pride? And then it happened to me. Full circle. Karma.

Any job in my chosen profession is gone. I am too old, require to much care and feeding. And I have a chronic disease. And, had I lived my life more intelligently, I could have retired. I didn't, so here I am, a drag on the economy, out of a job, scared to death and even though I know I am not alone, I feel alone.

My first stop was unemployment, which these days you can file online, provided you are not using a MAC, providing you are not using a Mac with dial-up. After that I don't know. I'm not sorry to be gone, to be away from them. I just scared. Really, really scared. Bad things happen to people in the United States when they are in their 60s, have a chronic disease and are unemployed,

Exploding countries

The fact that the country's motto has to appear in four languages should have been a tip off. But it seems the long-simmering battle between the Walloons and the Flemings is about to explode. Yes, pretty little Belgium with it's cobbled streets, yummy waffles, and 500 types of beer--Belgium, that state de Gaulle claimed had been invented by the British to annoy the French, is about to disintegrate. Poof, it's gone in the blink of an eye--like the USSR, like Yugoslavia. And what's really bizarre about this is that Belgium, sweet, misty Belgium, home of Godiva chocolate, is the damn seat of the damn European Union--and as everyone in Europe is expected to sign their common constitution, Belgium explodes. Can a free and independent Scotland be far behind? Will Quebec finally break off from Canada and go its own Frenchified way? I don't think this bodes well for the European Union, about which I have always had mixed emotions. And if Brussels is the capital city of the European Union, in what country is Brussels located? Well, actually, with the Dutch-speaking and the French-Speaking regions already almost completely autonomous, that makes Brussels a federal state, like Texas was but without the hot sauce. If worse comes to worse, we, like Ethiopians after the separation of Eritrea, have to redraw our maps and learn to live with it. But I will miss the Belgiums, and their uniquely finicky approach to life. What about Belgium lace? Belgium chocolate? Marvin Gaye? What does Marvin Gaye have to do with Belgium? Well, did you know that Marvin Gaye wrote Sexual Healing after having stayed in Ostend, Belgium?

And then there was Iran

If you look at a world map, you will noticed that Iran is circled by Afghanistan, Iraq and the Persian Gulf. So, if, for example, one was interested in restructuring the region to be more amenable to our requirements, wouldn't Iran be the next stop on our Westernize or Die tour? And what better way to stop those Iranian buggers in their sandy tracks than to go looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Iran has a right to develop nuclear power, if in fact that is what they are doing. We don't know what the Iranians are doing because the people who are telling us what they are doing are the very same people who insisted that Iraq was hiding Weapons of Mass Destruction and they had the pictures to prove it!

But let's assume for a moment that Iran does build a bomb--which would put them on the same footing as Pakistan, India, Israel and North Korea. Are the Iranians lunatics while the Pakistanis are not? And if you are looking for a Taliban connection, look no further than Pakistan, from whence the Taliban come and where they are even now comfortably ensconced. Would Iran actually consider detonating a nuclear weapon knowing that everyone from Pakistan to France would retaliate with bigger, better, dirtier bombs? China has nuclear weapons AND a larger Army than the US, plus they are evil Communists. How come we aren't more worried about them? Oh, yeah, Muslim fanatics--you know the Wahabbis, the extreme Sunnis based out of and financed by our pals in Saudi Arabia.

Should war come with Iran, it will not be the result of nuclear weapons, real or imagined, or religious fervor, or because Israel continues to exist--if war comes with Iran it will be because US oil interest see some advantage. The United States has interests in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Libya and Afghanistan, we have invaded Iraqi and are in the process of installing a government favorable to US interests. Iran is just another stop on the long road to world domination, or in the words of the first George Bush: The New World Order.

Britney Spears and other entertaining trainwrecks

Yesterday, Britney was hauled into court by her former husband, K-Fed, and his pit bull attorney, Gloria Allred, over custody of the couples two young sons. That isn't bad enough, her attorney, Laura Wasser, quit because Britney was a problem client (she just didn't listen to and follow the advice Wasser gave so Spears could maintain custody and end the war). In spite of Spears' erratic behavior and stint in rehab, Wasser was able to hammer out a 50/50 custody split with K-Fed -- a small miracle. Now Federline wants 70/30 custody. But it gets worse, the surprise witness was none other than Tony, a former bodyguard who Brit fired because he didn't pick up a hat off the floor as directed. Not that he has an ax to grind, but he had a lot to say about drugs and nudity--although as far as I know nudity in the privacy of one's own, although questionable when toddlers are roaming around, is not illegal. But it gets worse as Brit's manager Jeff Kwatinetz dumped her saying, "We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record, but current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job." And what are those circumstances? Well, apparently. Brit doesn't take his advice either, and it was her idea to switch the costume she planned to wear at the VMAs for the glitterated swamp bikini, without telling anyone.

As if things couldn't get worse, Spears has been BANNED from LA's exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel after a string of complaints over her oddball behavior. The Toxic star came under the management spotlight after reports she was "acting weird". And it seems "acting weird" doesn't begin to describe her latest act of lunacy, which saw Britney stunning fellow diners in the posh hotel restaurant by smearing a plate of top-notch food over her FACE. Horrified guests were understandably outraged and demanded the management kick her out for good. A source said: "The diners were disgusted. You wouldn't expect that from a teenager in a fast-food joint. "Royalty have dined in this restaurant. Her behavior was totally unacceptable." I told you last month that Brit had previously been so spaced out at the Chateau that she failed to recognize VICTORIA BECKHAM - despite the Beckhams' arrival in the States being plastered all over the US media. Brit's latest crazy antics - combined with the convoy of photographers who followed her to the strictly private hotel - were the final straw for stuffy bosses. Now her name has been added to a blacklist of former guests who are no longer welcome.

So, I'm thinking, what more can Brit do to sink her life and career? Well, she can become pen pals with OJ, maybe they can do the clubs should he ever make bail.

But how bad do you have to be to make K-Fed look like father of the year and the sane one in this white trash dream?

I didn't watch it, so I don't know, but apparently Anna Nicole did not make the dearly departed list at Sunday's Emmy's.

Meanwhile, are the mean white Las Vegas police out to get the innocent and beleaguered OJ? Probably, but that doesn't negate that OJ barged into a room, with armed gunmen, to remove some items that were his and some that were not. In the chaos, OJ did pick up a few items that did not belong to him, although apparently he did offer to return them. OJ is expected to appear in court Wednesday, meanwhile he's cooling his heels in a Las Vegas lock-up where he is definitely not getting the Paris Hilton treatment. Maybe, having gotten one pass, it's impossible for OJ to get a fair hearing and maybe he has a perfectly good explanation for his actions. But after having gotten away with a double murder, one would think that OJ would spend his life trying not to call attention to himself. If it were me, I would avoid getting so much as a parking ticket. You don't hear much about Robert Blake these days, now do you? There are people who want OJ behind bars and they must be thanking their lucky stars that OJ just gave them good reason.

Healthcare in the USA--alive and well

According to Sean Hannity, the US Healthcare System is the best in the world, providing services to all regardless of their ability to pay.

Fact is, the United States ranks poorly relative to other industrialized nations in health care despite having the best trained health care providers and the best medical infrastructure of any industrialized nation. Healthcare for the poor is different than healthcare for those who can pay. Healthcare in the United States is a for-profit business that is managed by physicians, pharmaceutical companies and health benefit providers--all of whom are more interested in their bottom line than they are in you.

Managed care is not the answer. Health care costs in the United States grew more in the United States under managed care in 1990 to 1996 than any other industrialized nation with single payer universal health care The quality of health care in the US has deteriorated under managed care. Access problems have increased. The number of uninsured has dramatically increased (increase of 10 million to 43.4 million from 1989 to 1996, increase of 2.4% from 1989 to 1996- 16% in 1996 and increasing each year).

The reason we don't have universal healthcare in the United States is that physicians, pharmaceutical companies and health benefit providers, who determined which citizen will receive which kind of care, don't want you to have it. It interferes with their bottom lines.

Sean Hannity believes that universal healthcare will destroy our already excellent and equal system and will level our economy. If you have a managed care program, you already know that you have no guarantee that you will receive a service, you have no right to choose your physician or hospital and you will be forced to wait for an approval, and sometimes that wait is endless. So, even if a universal healthcare system is introduced into the US, what would change? If you can pay cash, you too can partake of the wonderful US healthcare system--ask any wealthy person from Canada or the United States.

Music as torture, or, disco music as a weapon

Now that the United States officially believes that torture is an acceptable means of interrogation, the military (or rather the private sector non-military interrogators that we now use), has formalized its use of torturous music. I understand the concept. After five minutes in line at Disneyworld listening to endless loops of It's a Small World, I would gladly sign a confession that I am Jack the Ripper than listen to that happy little ditty one more time.

According to an NPR report aired 9/16, torturous music is being used to demoralize prisoners at the Guantánamo Bay Detention Camp. One guy, who apparently was picked up off the street in Afghanistan, claims he was very nearly driven insane by incessant loops of Ennemm played at ear-splitting levels, I feel his pain--as would any parent of a teen.

The idea of rock music as torture is apparently the brain child of some unknown CIA agent, who clearly preferred Lawrence Welk (and, no doubt, he now works for Clear Channel). It was played to flush out Noriega, once he became more liability than asset. I have often felt terrorized by the alarming repetition of Disco Music on what passes for music radio these days. But I don't think that the good folks who wrote the cloyingly I Love You theme for the Barney series thought that their music would be considered as a good candidate for torture. Maybe they never lived with a Barney obsessed a four-year-old.

The idea that torture is a good way to obtain useful information has been questioned by people who know better--but they aren't in charge. However, it sort of makes sense in this situation when played for people who want no part of our culture (and who are not jealous of our overpriced jeans, obsession with big breasted women, or form of government). The Inquisition used the rack, the Nazi's hung people on meathooks, South American dictators applied electrodes to genitals, and the US uses rock music. We seem wimpy by comparison, but new enemies require new methods of torture.

While I listened to the NPR report, I couldn't help wondering if the government has to pay a royalty to the artists every time their music is played. According to NPR, the jury is still out. Apparently, the government remains silent on that subject, which is odd when you think about how communistic that sounds. Shouldn't people be paid for their labor? Don't we have copyright laws? To paraphrase Joseph Welch: Have we no decency?

I would have thought that being held without charge, without hope of a hearing or trial and for an undetermined time might be torture enough without having by sense assaulted by endless loops of Rap Music--or worse, Disco. Apparently, I am wrong--yet again.