Fired!

It was a long time coming and not particularly surprising, but after 17 years, the past three of which were hell, I am out of a job. Booted out the door. Downsized. Disappeared. Fired.

And it is not the loss of the job, that's been gone long ago, it's not the loss of friendship, no one there much cared for me (and I them), it's the horror of how will I pay my health insurance--because that's the reason I stayed there these past three years. And, at age 61, who will hire me?

Years ago, when I was young and this hellish existence stretched before me, I work for a woman who was mighty admirable. She was accomplished, attractive and competent. She was somewhere in her 50s. And then one day a new boss came and she was demoted. Her appearance went first, she became dragged down and lost her confident stride. And I wondered, in my youth, why she didn't just quit? Were was her pride? And then it happened to me. Full circle. Karma.

Any job in my chosen profession is gone. I am too old, require to much care and feeding. And I have a chronic disease. And, had I lived my life more intelligently, I could have retired. I didn't, so here I am, a drag on the economy, out of a job, scared to death and even though I know I am not alone, I feel alone.

My first stop was unemployment, which these days you can file online, provided you are not using a MAC, providing you are not using a Mac with dial-up. After that I don't know. I'm not sorry to be gone, to be away from them. I just scared. Really, really scared. Bad things happen to people in the United States when they are in their 60s, have a chronic disease and are unemployed,