Johnny Fairplay cries foul and other unreal stories

The things you find on Youtube.com: I don't watch Fox TV, so I had no idea they have their own awards show, honoring Reality TV competitors and participants (they call them "stars," but then they also call their opinion reports "news"). However, I did watch Survivor the season that contestant Johnny Fairplay lied about his grandmother's death to gain immunity and sympathy from his too trusting team members. At the time, I suspected the guy was lying. Fairplay is a real creep who has, apparently, spun his 15 minutes of fame by appearing on whatever low budget reality fest will have him and as a professional wrestler. For his stint on Survivor, Fairplay in October received the trophy as the Most Memorable Reality Performer (talk about an oxymoron). Fairplay was booed by the audience, which included the prostitutes who work at the Bunny Ranch and their pimp (Cathouse, HBO), Mike "Boogie" Malin ( Big Brother), and Janice Dickinson (True Life).

Perhaps trying to be helpful, former child star and world class train wreck, Danny Bonaduce, ambled on stage to inform Fairplay that booing means the audience "hates you." And then he begins to amble off. Fairplay, who is a living example to dumb blonds everywhere, calls to Danny and proceeds to run at him, jumping into Bonaduce's non-waiting arms, wrapping his legs around Bonaduce's waist and begins to dry hump. With the greatest of ease, Bonaduce throws Fairplay over his shoulders. Here's the link, because seeing is believing: Bonaduce flips Fairplay

Anyway, Fairplay goes to the emergency room to deal with his broken teeth and Danny goes home. Naturally, Fairplay files a police report, claiming assault. But the charges are dropped when the Los Angeles DA found that Bonaduce did not intentionally injure Fairplay and his "actions fell within the realm of self-defense.’”

The saga does not end there because now Fairplay is suing everybody: Bonaduce, FOX Reality Channel, producer Natural 9 Entertainment and Boulevard3, the venue at which the event took place. Having done a little research, I find that the suit does not mention Fairplay's drunken state, apparently he'd been hitting the bottle before the event and backstage during the event and that he broke the camera of some woman who dared to take his picture when he left the event under his own power, but in an ambulance. I also found that Fairplay was kicked off Kill Reality in 2006, for defecating on another contestant's bed. Class act meet class act.

In other news, the personal letters of the late Diana, Princess of Wales have been made public in yet another inquest into her death. The inquest is being held, at taxpayer's expense, to quell the rumors instigated by Mohamed Al Fayed that Diana was the target of an assassination plot hatched by Prince Philip. To add insult to injury, correspondence from Diana to the Prince has been introduced to prove that they were on good terms (take that, Paul Burrell). When does too much information become way too much information?

Michael Vick has already been sentenced for perjury and dog fighting,but letters from his family pleading for leniency have appeared on the Internet this week. Leniency in this case means that Vick should pay a fine, that he can easily afford, but not serve time, which inconvenient. This isn't Vick's first run-in with the law, but it may be his most lasting. I can think of no other reason for these letters to be made public, other than to drum up public support for Vick and achieve an early release. His mother explained away Vick's failure of a drug test in September by saying he was distraught by comments made by his father, which indicated that Vick had a long history of dog fighting. I do not believe that Vick's football career is over. That's not how in works in the US. As long as he appears contrite, as long as he is seen to have paid for his crime, and as long as he plays winning ball, the Atlanta Falcons will have him back, and if they won't somebody else will. Vick knew what he was doing, he was not coerced, or forced, perhaps he thought he was above the law. Perhaps he believed that because of his athletic prowess he could get away with breaking the law.

Michael Vick goes to jail

As we all now know, former, and maybe future, NFL star, Michael Vick drew a 23-month jail sentence for his involvement in dog fighting--more because he lied to the judge rather than for the act of owning a dog fighting kennel or for the dogs that are routinely injured and killed by this so-called sport.

I like animals and would not knowing hurt one. On the other hand I am an unabashed carnivore and I have always wanted a mink coat. While this sometimes means that I agree with PETA, it also means I am barred from membership, but PETA would probably accept my contribution. I'm like the rest of the world, we eat what we think of as food and if I lived in China, that might include snakes, which I pathologically fear. If I were a member of PETA, I would have written "whom" instead of "which."

I'm also told that as a white Northerner, I do not understand regional and cultural differences. I'm all about diversity and acceptance, but I draw the line at a so-called sport that requires the torture of animals that does nothing more than make the two-legged animals at the top of the food chain richer. But how do I square that with the fact that I make poultry farmers wealthy every time I chow down on fried chicken? To answer that, I turn, again, to the movies (where all life's questions are answered). In the underrated Culpepper Cattle Company, a young cooks helper asks the name of a cowboy's horse, "I don't name nothin' I might have to eat," replies the cowboy. And therein lies the difference.

I have read that there are more pet dogs in the United States than there are people in the United Kingdom. We, in the US, think of our pets as part of the family. We give them names. We buy them sweaters. We become litigious when we discover that money grubbing pet food manufacturers use the same formula (regardless of consumer cost) to buy preparations made in China, where pets are food, that are laced with poison. That's the society in which we live. If there was some cataclysmic event tomorrow and food became scarce, we might literally have Fido or Fluffy for dinner, but right now, dogs and cats, birds and lizards, and guppies are pets. We don't eat pets. We don't purposely set one dog on another for money.

And while I am certain that Michael Vick is sorry that he was caught and is now in jail, I am not so sure he understands why dog fighting is wrong. Although dog fighting is illegal in the United States, law enforcement doesn't always take it seriously (in their defense, there is a whole lot of other crime with which to contend). I'm also not sure that the kennel Vick co-owned would have caught national media attention without Vick's involvement. Still, this sorry case brought a serious problem to public attention. Dog fighting has been around for centuries and most people think of it as unsavory but acceptable as long as it doesn't involve a family pet or happen in their backyards. But according to Stephanie LaFarge, Ph.D., Senior Director, ASPCA Counseling Services, "Dog fighters represent a range of personality types and psychological disorders. School life offers them little fulfillment and humiliates them into doing socially unacceptable things in an environment where beating the system is the goal." And that should concern us. People who come from chaotic homes and who live in an environment of limited social or economic opportunity will find other ways to make themselves feel powerful and wealthy. Some sell crack, others fight dogs.

I know nothing about Michael Vick other than what I read in the papers. Apparently from modest means, Vick played ball well enough to attend college. Unfortunately, football outweighed education and Vick left school in his sophomore year. He may play ball well enough that he will return to the field after serving his time. Do you see the similarities? Michael Vick was valued for what he could do in a sport, not for who he is as a person. No matter what he does, if his team can continue to make money on Michael Vick, he will continue to play football. And when he stops playing well, out he goes into an uncertain future. Maybe if someone had treated Michael Vick with greater respect, he would have some understanding of why torturing animals for money is not a good idea.