Used tissue

I suppose this is the natural response, but I feel crumpled like used tissue. I have looked into what might be available and find not much. This week, I have devoted my time to getting organized, dealing with insurance and financial issues and exploring. Next week, I begin my job search in earnest. Other people manage to find rewarding careers after their shelf life expires. I am not one of them. Apparently, I lack imagination because all I seem before me are the terrors of looking into temporary work and I was never a good "new kid on the block." This is a learning experience, that is my mantra. I cannot curl up and die, well, I could, but I won't. I don't know which way to turn and there is no one who cares enough to listen, and I cannot keep repeating myself. Had I been a better person. this would not have happened. That's in the past. It's gone. It cannot be relived. Whatever happens, I will die alone, unwanted and unmourned--my worst fears realized. The good news is, I'll be dead, so I won't know.

On the upside, I do 15 minutes on the exercise bike, so when I die, I will have one really good knee.