On the other hand

I've been thinking about Sex and the City, and while I still think it appeals to those who love the series, there was something in it that stayed with me. A terrible thing happens to Carrie, and because it is terrible, she needs her friends and because this is TV/Movies they are there. And that's what stayed with me. It's rare to have friends who will rush to your side and stay there when terrible things happen. But this is the movies and in the movies Carrie's friends are there and have the financial means to make a bad situation somewhat better. That's what friends are for. And to have friends like that in real life is rare. I wish I had the facility to make and keep friends like that, but I am careless. Friendship, like a garden, needs constant maintenance and care. So, in the end, it's not the fabulous jobs or terrific apartments, or luscious men, or expensive shoes that stays with me, but the fact that when a terrible thing happened, Carrie has her friends, who cannot take the sting away, but who are there to apply balm and comfort. And who, in the throes of terror, do not need the warmth of a loving embrace? Occasionally, that's all that stands between us and the long dive off a high bridge. Boyfriends come and boyfriends go, jobs are lost, marriages disintegrate, but friendship remains. So, my babies, if you have friends, call them tonight and ask how they are, and really listen when they speak, and don't let them slip away. Because if you don't, if you are not a friend, than you will end up like me, old, alone, and broke. The alone part hurts the most and is the thing that is forever.

Why can't we just get along?

I've seen it done, so I know it's possible, but I have never been able to achieve it: Remain friends with the former significant other. I generally like the guys I have dated, that's why I dated them in the first place. Often what I miss when they are gone, is a sense of humor or perspective or the ability to say something outrageous without fear of reprisals. I am completely at peace with the fact that he has moved on, and I know the boundaries--but some how it gets complicated by something I don't understand and that's the end of that.

I don't expect that this is one of those all-the-time friendships, he's got a life, I've got a life, but can't we chat once in awhile. Except that the last time I tried it, with the last boyfriend (and I do mean LAST boyfriend), everything went well until, I guess he got tired of me as a friend, the way he was tired of me as his girlfriend.

Maybe, it's not possible to remain friends with the former significant other. Maybe those people who claim friendship are doing something else. I don't know, I just know that there are one or two with whom I wish I had remained friends instead of becoming something other.