Enough already

Pictures of a disheveled and possibly drugged Britney Spears are everywhere as the news of her major meltdown is reported by a sanctimonious press. Meanwhile, her children are in the custody of their father, who drove like a maniac so as to block chasing papparazzi who wanted photos of the tots. Everything about this story stinks of schandenfreud, the taking delight in the suffering of others. At 26, Britney has been on view for half of her life. She became the family cash cow in 1993, when at age 12 she was chosen to appear in the New Mickey Mouse Club. By age 17, she was an international sensation.

Although there are labor laws to protect child performers, nothing is done to protect them from the pitfalls of being in a competitive business. Yes, there is competition in real life, but your family won't be forced into bankruptcy if Johnny fails to make the football team.

The essential role of a child star is to be famous, but fame is not intrinsic. You don't have to be talented or smart or attractive to be famous. Paris Hilton is famous for being famous. Fame exists in the mind of the observer. And if you are famous, the public can also make you infamous. And what does it mean really if you are famous but lose custody of your children and the whole thing becomes a media circus? I return again to the series finale of Extras, in which Ricke Gervais explores the nature of fame and what happens when we pursue it or place it above all else.

All of Britney's current fame is based on her recent bad behavior. Her divorce, the photos of her without panties, her current melt down is why she is famous now. We, the public, are watching the systematic destruction of a human being and loving every minute of it.

It's time, past time, to turn off the cameras and let the little girl go. Maybe she can recover, maybe not, but enough already. We know more than we should and all of it is ugly.

Jayne Mansfield redux

The world likes nothing better than a hot celebrity meltdown and Britney Spears is the gift that keeps on giving. Yesterday, she lost custody of her two sons to their father. That's how bad it is. A gigolo was determined by an LA judge to be the more competent parent--and no doubt with child support from Britney. She reacted in true pop tart fashion by turning over the kids to their pop and going to a tanning salon. Reportedly, she is under a suicide watch--whether at the tanning salon or not, the news stories do not say.

How the hell did this happen?

You might want to begin when her parents put her into show business, stage parent being the job of choice for underskilled parents with champaign taste on Pepsi money. Anyway, the kid gyrates herself into some sort of adult stardom and then finds true love with one of her back-up dancers. What Kevin Federline lacks in talent, he makes up for with street smarts. Yes, he was co-habitating with another woman, and yes they had children, but there was Britney all lush and flush with cash, the darling of the tweens and with a future and, according to sources, SHE asked HIM. Can you blame the guy? So they get married, have two kids and do not live happily ever after--well, she didn't anyway.

The thing is, K-Fed's initial grab for bags-o-cash was woefully mistimed. All he had to do was wait for the time bomb to explode, which it did, giving us all an unwanted gynecological education. So now he's got the kids and access to the cash. Is this a great country or what?

All that's left now is for him to bleed her financially dry and for her to end up doing dinner theater in some cheesy Louisiana location. I see the ghost of Jayne Mansfield before me and it ain't a pretty site.

Britney Spears and other entertaining trainwrecks

Yesterday, Britney was hauled into court by her former husband, K-Fed, and his pit bull attorney, Gloria Allred, over custody of the couples two young sons. That isn't bad enough, her attorney, Laura Wasser, quit because Britney was a problem client (she just didn't listen to and follow the advice Wasser gave so Spears could maintain custody and end the war). In spite of Spears' erratic behavior and stint in rehab, Wasser was able to hammer out a 50/50 custody split with K-Fed -- a small miracle. Now Federline wants 70/30 custody. But it gets worse, the surprise witness was none other than Tony, a former bodyguard who Brit fired because he didn't pick up a hat off the floor as directed. Not that he has an ax to grind, but he had a lot to say about drugs and nudity--although as far as I know nudity in the privacy of one's own, although questionable when toddlers are roaming around, is not illegal. But it gets worse as Brit's manager Jeff Kwatinetz dumped her saying, "We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record, but current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job." And what are those circumstances? Well, apparently. Brit doesn't take his advice either, and it was her idea to switch the costume she planned to wear at the VMAs for the glitterated swamp bikini, without telling anyone.

As if things couldn't get worse, Spears has been BANNED from LA's exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel after a string of complaints over her oddball behavior. The Toxic star came under the management spotlight after reports she was "acting weird". And it seems "acting weird" doesn't begin to describe her latest act of lunacy, which saw Britney stunning fellow diners in the posh hotel restaurant by smearing a plate of top-notch food over her FACE. Horrified guests were understandably outraged and demanded the management kick her out for good. A source said: "The diners were disgusted. You wouldn't expect that from a teenager in a fast-food joint. "Royalty have dined in this restaurant. Her behavior was totally unacceptable." I told you last month that Brit had previously been so spaced out at the Chateau that she failed to recognize VICTORIA BECKHAM - despite the Beckhams' arrival in the States being plastered all over the US media. Brit's latest crazy antics - combined with the convoy of photographers who followed her to the strictly private hotel - were the final straw for stuffy bosses. Now her name has been added to a blacklist of former guests who are no longer welcome.

So, I'm thinking, what more can Brit do to sink her life and career? Well, she can become pen pals with OJ, maybe they can do the clubs should he ever make bail.

But how bad do you have to be to make K-Fed look like father of the year and the sane one in this white trash dream?

I didn't watch it, so I don't know, but apparently Anna Nicole did not make the dearly departed list at Sunday's Emmy's.

Meanwhile, are the mean white Las Vegas police out to get the innocent and beleaguered OJ? Probably, but that doesn't negate that OJ barged into a room, with armed gunmen, to remove some items that were his and some that were not. In the chaos, OJ did pick up a few items that did not belong to him, although apparently he did offer to return them. OJ is expected to appear in court Wednesday, meanwhile he's cooling his heels in a Las Vegas lock-up where he is definitely not getting the Paris Hilton treatment. Maybe, having gotten one pass, it's impossible for OJ to get a fair hearing and maybe he has a perfectly good explanation for his actions. But after having gotten away with a double murder, one would think that OJ would spend his life trying not to call attention to himself. If it were me, I would avoid getting so much as a parking ticket. You don't hear much about Robert Blake these days, now do you? There are people who want OJ behind bars and they must be thanking their lucky stars that OJ just gave them good reason.